Sunday, May 25, 2008

"Your foot, I wanna see the bottom of it, could you flip it up?"

Some soeaker at Bike the Drive said some bullshit about how biking has "no carbon footprint". Which is, of course, totally not true at all.

Caveats on this article: these calculations assume your food's carbon footprint is in line with the national average, that you're riding really fast, riding a new bike, and care about hygiene. These are all significantly more flexible than the fuel consumption of your car (you can eat local food, not ride 20MPH on your commute, ride an old bike or keep your bike going for longer than most people, and tell people that complain about the natural odor of the human fucking body to fuck off). It also ignores how many more miles you're likely to drive if you have a car instead of doing things closer to where you live, assumes that you won't live closer to work to facilitate a bike commute, and fails to account for how many miles the average male driver spends cruising around with a car packed full of babes attracted by how much they love the loud, bass-heavy music he cranks out the windows at full volume all the time. Anyway, regardless of the numbers, it's not zero-carbon footprint.

I guess, all in all, I have to apologize for flipping off and spitting on the car of that stupid fuck that honked at me as he passed me yesterday on my way to Lincolnwood (I was overtaking another cyclist, checked for traffic and gave ample warning that I was going into the middle of the lane, and got back right promptly; he accelerated just to swerve out into the opposing lane and pass me in the short time I was wide... in the end the whole maneuver was worthless, because he got stuck behind a line of cars at the next stoplight, and he never came close to catching up to me after that). There were three people in that car. Three pre-torn-pre-faded-baseball-cap-wearing douchebags. Out saving the earth from the high energy costs incurred by selfish asshole cyclists.

So, um, Drive your bike to work, motherfuckers. Or, alternately, stop saying things, loudly and into microphones sponsored by the Mayor's Office of Special Events, that make us look like fucking morons. Or, alternately, I shouldn't expect thoughtful comment from what's ultimately a manifestation of a "green marketing trend" in mainstream America. Or, alternately, I should sleep more and be less angry.

1 comment:

Matt Montgomery said...

I always wondered how the carbon footprint of cycling measured up, but never actually tried to calculate it out. Very interesting.